You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
