I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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