so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
