pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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