ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
