i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
