im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
