Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
