just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
