totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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