i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
where am i from again
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
