It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
