I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
