The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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