and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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