Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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