Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
