paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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