bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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