Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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