Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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