I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
