If i come over, it means nothing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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