It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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