you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's blow job season.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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