I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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