I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
