that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
