I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
