Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
