I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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