i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
