We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
