They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
