I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
