i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
