so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
