yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
