I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
