Will you blow on my dice?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
