AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
