if only i could text you this smell
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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