my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
