I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
