More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
