so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
