I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
