Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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