when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
