we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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