Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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