i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
