The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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