apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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