u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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