He uses pillows to masturbate.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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