can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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