This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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