eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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