Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
