just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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