And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
