I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
