last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
