Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
