I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
