I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
