I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The uberlube is also flammable
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
