ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
